1. “I don’t see where this is headed.” This is a tough one, because I would bet, that half the time this phrase is uttered, vision has actually been shared. We, as leaders, need to remember that one vision talk a year won’t do the job. One method of sharing vision will only connect with certain people. We have to paint a picture for our people! If everyone is tied together and heading in different direction, there won’t be much movement; just confusion and frustration. Or even worse, disconnection.
2. “I’m tired of the last-minute planning” (or total lack thereof). If you’re a go-with-the-flow type person like I am, your leadership style can’t echo your personality. Let me be really clear: I have heard this statement from one of my closest friends on my team. He had to sit me down and beg me to stop asking him for last-minute changes/commitments. It’s not a big deal to you; but it’s a HUGE deal to them; if, at the very least, you can just communicate that you thought ahead of time.
3. “You expect way too much of me.” I have a good friend that left vocational ministry to work a “regular job.” The first revelation he had?
“I feel so convicted about how hard I rode my volunteers. I had no idea what its like to work all week and then to volunteer my only free time at a student ministry. Our expectations were way too high, and if I did it again, I’d change expectations and certainly, the way we communicated them.”
This isn’t to say that you throw all the expectations out the window. Just don’t expect everyone to walk in with the same preparedness that you do.
4. “It’s laughable when you ask for sacrifice from others but never sacrifice yourself.” Uh oh. This statement is uttered to the pastor that asks for volunteers on Wednesday night, but can’t volunteer for something on Friday night. This pastor has learned that family time is a must…just not for anyone else. If you’re people don’t see you sacrifice, then you can go ahead and walk off the stage and throw that “brilliant talk” in the trash can, because that’s what it’s worth.
5. “I can’t bring my friends because ____________.” This one is scary. This one is uber personal. You talk about money too much. You make visitors feel like outsiders. No one is welcoming. You have pictures of dead people all over the walls. The whole church smells like mothballs. These are obstacles. It has been rightly said: “The sermon starts in the parking lot.”
Here’s the good news: these things aren’t permanent. But you have to format your life in such a way that you invite people to offer feedback. Every leader needs a sounding board. Everyone needs to listen to outsiders.
Because the worst kind of leader is the one who thinks he or she has it all under control (even if they do). And if you’re one of those leaders/pastors who has a tendency to bypass your team (like me), stop. Don’t be a lone ranger leader.
Recommended Listening: This month’s edition of the Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast, called “The Art of Inviting Feedback” (Nov 4, 2013).